really its quite nice, after a relationship break i gained alot of weight within a week, puting me back at 154 pounds, i crashed again, i wouldnt eat, i refused to ear. every so often now ill take a bite out of something and i feel like im ging to throw up. then for the past idk how many days nothing has gotten into me besides the bottles of water that engulf y bed, a sip of iced tea for a boost too. im down to 142, i hate it,  but my friend was all like “oh thats only 5 pounds heavier than me!” but im 30 pounds heavier than my best friend. he has a great body. i would kill for it. 

had a long talk to him today about everything, cause these two weeks i have been sick, (you know not seeing the sun and not eating in forever) but only i can help myself, and how will i do that? how will i make myself pretty and happy? my makeing shit happen, i like how bones looks , so now i must look like him, i will force myself ti be skin and bones i like tattoos, i will put more on me, i like lip rings i just, i figure if i crowd myself with the things i like- i will turn into this pretty person that can just dance around, but yeah, happyish update 

142 

im starting a 5 day fast today. im watering down lemonade to start, im not weighting any longer, i want to be beautiful now 

finally, 145. i feel like im getting so close. my relationship with my girlfriend just ended. we are going to stay friends, but im still upset as hell, hopefully this will motivate me to get boney. 

because boney is sexy. ill take new update pictures too. 

i look horrible… horrible. but the batheing suit was so perfect and it matched my hair. but you can see all my flab and bouncey bits and i just want to throw up.

i didnt make the cut off i wanted. im not 130 yet..

i did cut it down to 150. so i lost 7 pounds. no where near what i want though.

my whole grape and fruit thing keeps getting stomped on.

i hate disappointing people, someone important to me doesn’t like to eat by themselves because they are also very very extremely self conscious. we need to get some healthy -get rid of my gut fast- recipes.

so yeah fruit fruit fruit. my other friend is how ever trying to convince me im ‘fucken hot as hell’ but he doesnt see me like i do :C

i keep trying to force myself back onto my grape only week, it always does me well and it makes me feel awesome.

buuuttttt my girlfriend pretty much is agasint the idea. shes gotten me to eat a weeks worth of food in two days :c a half of a bagel and half of a sub with her.

i got a new very time stressed job, so itll give me the option of not eating at all, perfect.